Home Alone

A few weeks ago I came up with a brilliant idea. It stemmed from exhaustion, as most of my brilliant ideas do these days. I would get up one morning, get Day ready for school, drop her off, and come back home to SLEEP! It was such a great plan that I wondered why it had taken me 2 1/2 months to think of. But then the momma guilt set in and I started thinking what kind of mother am I that I have to take my baby somewhere else just to get a nap? So, for the last few weeks exhaustion and guilt have been battling it out. Exhaustion won! And I mean in a big way... guilt has retreated never to be heard from again on this issue. I am home alone!

I guess this is really the first time since I had Day that I have been in this house without her. It's strange and of course I don't know what to do with myself, BUT it is almost 10:00 AM and I haven't even been up a whole hour. Still on my first cup of coffee. And even better than the original plan, Ken got her ready for me this morning and took her to school. (I wonder what she has on... I'll report later on that I'm sure.)

Another first this weekend, Ken and I went on a date! At night! Without Day! Yes, for the first time in almost 6 months. Mom and Jimmy came over to keep her, and we weren't even gone 3 hours, but still. I was nervous. Not because of whose care she was in (ok, a little because of that), but just because I hate to think about her crying over something that I can fix yet being unable to fix it because I'm not there. Probably another one of those themes of motherhood that I will experience for the rest of my life now. Here's the report I got: (I think they softened it a little for us.) She did good for about 30 minutes, then she was pretty much pissed the rest of the time. Mom said she didn't really get a "bath" per se... more like a wet down. She wasn't quite able to get her socks on her after the bath - almost didn't get the snap secured on the back of her pajamas. Then, she tried to recreate her fall asleep routine, exchanging my boob for a bottle of course, but Day was not fooled. And was not happy about it. She finally wore herself out about 8:45. She is rarely up past 8:00.

So, my mom will instantly feel guilt and/or inadequacy when she reads this, so let me say that this scenario could have happened to anyone. Although I would not have trusted the job to anyone else. My mother loves Day just like she birthed her herself. Just ask her. Well, you don't even have to ask her. If you know my mother, you already know this. And here's the truth of it - I was sad for Day that she cried, but a little happy that she missed me. Sick, right? I know. Another double edged sword.

Thanks, Cacky and Bebo for taking care of me! Sorry I screamed at you! Love, Day

I'm sure these little steps involving separation in any form will get a little easier. Just like it got easier to leave her at daycare. And I've had enough therapy and child development courses to know it is what healthy parents do (although I've never been completely healthy). I want to raise an independent child. But I want to be a constant source of comfort for her. And I don't want to miss a single moment! So, there. My thoughts in a rare moment of solitude.

Favorite pics from the last few weeks...

Lost and Found

Last weekend, I was making some space on my phone by transferring pictures to my computer. I have software that came with my phone and it syncs everything with the press of a button. This syncing business is sort of unclear to me. I'm more comfortable with words like save, move, cut/paste, etc. Anyway, I synced my phone, cleared off a bunch of photos, synced again, and POOF! Every. Single. One. Of. My. Photos. Was. Lost.

As you might imagine, after the initial gasp for air, I immediately broke down in a fit of sobs. Ken was sitting next to me and Day was on the floor. I made such a racket they both just got very still and stared at me. Sort of like how you might react if you saw a dying animal. Before you make a move to help, you must first determine if you will get hurt in the process. They did not interfere.

I couldn't breathe. The thought of losing all of those pictures... from pregnancy, hospital, first pediatrician visit, first grocery store trip, lunch time visits at daycare, just everyday life with my baby goddess. Lost. Forever. All I could manage to say was "Nooooo". Ok, so it was a little overdramatic. I admit that only because the end of the story is good. This syncing business apparently has an automatic backup that saves everything - even if you delete it off your phone and the software program. When I realized this, I cried again (maybe harder) at the relief of what had just been salvaged. And I laughed. With joy because I still had my precious photos and then at myself and the extreme emotions I had just experienced. Still no reaction from the family - they were still stunned at what they were witnessing. All of this happened in a matter of about 5 minutes.

After the shock wore off, Ken told me that I definitely deserved a dramatic actress award. Here are some of the photos from that batch that I was SICK about "losing"...

The Last 2 Months

Every time I think about posting a new blog I get overwhelmed with how much has happened since my last post and just can't muster up the energy to catch you all up on everything. So, I just decided to share some of my favorite pictures from the last 2 months ....

Day and Caston were in the same class at daycare for about a month until he moved up to the one year old class. I love this picture because Caston is WAY too big for that swing and because the look on Day's face is great. It's like she's saying, "Come on, Cuz. Get it together."



This is one of my treasures... 4 generations of moms and daughters. It's not the "best" shot of the 4 of us, but I think it is the most natural. The others seemed too posed. I love these women with all of my heart.

My cousin Suzy is an amazing photographer. She took these photos at David's wedding.

See more of her work: http://familyisfoureverlove.blogspot.com/

The night that we got back from the wedding weekend in Georgia, Day slept all night. And I mean ALL night. Went to bed at 8:00 PM. Woke up at 6:00 AM. Nothing like this had ever happened. The most she had ever slept in one stretch before this was 4 hours. I was so excited! I actually felt dizzy and disoriented I had gotten so much sleep. Of course, I did check on her to make sure she was breathing a couple of times, but she never woke up. Well, the celebration was short lived. She was so fussy when she finally woke up that I ended up taking her to the doctor... earache in both ears and 2 teeth coming through. (Yes, her first teeth broke through at 3 1/2 months). This is a picture from later that morning napping with her daddy.



Our first family beach trip was in June. She liked the beach just fine, but seemed to like the pool a little better. Her daddy accidentally dunked her under the water in the pool. Day recovered quickly. I did not.



More of my favorites from the beach:

For years now, Ken and I have gotten loads of Christmas cards of kids on the beach. Although we love seeing everybody's children growing up, it has also always been kind of bittersweet. We have joked before that we would pose with all of our animals in matching sweaters for our Christmas cards. So, this year we did the family photo shoot. Not sure if these will end up on cards or not, but it was nice to just have the opportunity.