Mother of the Year

I did it. I endangered my child’s life. I neglected her safety, and it could have been bad. It wasn’t intentional, but that has not made me feel any less terrible.

Yesterday after work/school, Day and I both had friends over. Day and her friend were playing while friend’s mom and I were sitting on the back deck, talking (drinking beer). I include that fact because somehow it makes me feel even worse and I need to purge the guilt.

We were both oblivious to where the kids might be but unconcerned because really, “what kind of trouble could they get into?”… when a very panicked, very frightened, very intense neighbor came flying out of my back door (from inside the house) saying, “There are KIDS playing in the STREET!!”

Oh, Shit. MY kid.

I ran out to the front where traffic is stopped going both ways in front of our house because some dumb ass red neck mom let her kid and friend wander around the house unsupervised. (That would be me.) Of course they ended up going out the front door! In my defense (there really is no defense, but I need you to know) we ALWAYS keep the latch locked on our screen door for this very reason. But not this time.

Part of what kept me up all night was replaying the looks of disgust on my neighbor’s faces. Their lack of understanding when I pitifully muttered I’m so sorry. These people don’t know me. But they are forming opinions. Not off to a great start. And it didn’t help that we were on the back deck drinking beer and they were on their way to Wednesday night bible study at the Baptist church. Jesus.

It also is weighing heavily on me that another child could have been hurt at my house. And I take full responsibility for the possibility. It was not my friend’s job to lock my screen door. She assumed her child was safe at my house. I would have assumed the same thing. I DID assume the same thing. You should know that she did not overreact, did not blame me, in fact she spent the next hour trying her best to make me feel better. That’s what a friend does.

But mostly what has tortured me is that my child was in danger BECAUSE OF ME. It is my only job in the world to keep her safe. I do realize that I should be eternally grateful and humbled that she was in fact NOT hurt. And I am. But, I have to be honest. That might have been my initial emotion, but it very quickly turned into shame.

So, again… I apologize to my neighbors and to the world that I endangered my child. And I am so appreciative that they stopped and made sure she was safe. I don’t remember telling them thank you, but I will, in person, the first chance I get. And I can’t promise I’ll ever be Mother of the Year, but I promise that I’ll do better. After all, she is my most precious gift.

Her Peeps

I find it fascinating when Day talks about people that are on her mind. A few of these names come up pretty regularly.

Disclaimer to all grandparents, other family members, and people who did not make the list: Yes, she talks about YOU, too. But most of the time it is when we ask her about you or we are talking about you or we're on the phone with you or when she sees your picture.

These people pop into her head all by themselves.

Gary:

“Hey, Gary!”

“Bye, Gary!”

“Night Night, Gary!”

Theory/Analysis: She has been talking to Gary (our across the street neighbor) through the front glass doors since we moved in. The first time, he was actually outside. Now, she talks to his house. I think he somehow reminds her of Bebo (Jimmy), and she LOVES her some Bebo. Last night she was singing happy birthday to Gary and “bye-byeing” to him from the window, so Ken took her over there in her pajamas and knocked on the door. Gary answered (in his pajamas) and she clammed up. Wouldn’t say a word until she got back in the house. Then a very quiet, “night night Gary.”

Deana:

“Hey, Mina!”

“Bye, Mina!”

Theory/Analysis: Deana is Gary’s wife. She’s actually the one who talks more to Day than Gary. But Day has been too shy to say her name until recently. Deana came over and invited us inside to see her house last week. She had a little bitty rocking chair, a furry cat, and a pig statue. Now, Deana is on the radar.

Baby Nora:

“Hey, Baby Nora!”

“That’s Nora.”

Theory/Analysis: Baby Nora is Erin and Matt Molina’s 3 month old baby girl. Day saw her in the hospital under the blue light when she was born with her “shades” on and this seemed to make a big impression. She has been around her a handful of other times, and most of the times have included Erin bouncing a tightly swaddled Nora. Day made this connection apparently, because now when we bounce her babies, they are Baby Nora. We went to see Karen’s new babies on Monday and there was a newborn under the blue light in the nursery. Guess who Day said it was… Baby Nora. She talks about Nora in the car a lot.

Eli:

“Hey, Eli!”

“That’s Eli.”

Theory/Analysis: It is yet to be determined whether Day is referring to her baby cousin Eli or to her friend at school Eli. All babies used to be Eli. But then she called Savannah (Phadra’s daughter who is only 6 months younger than Day and therefore not necessarily a baby) Eli for the whole beach trip this summer. Now, since most babies are Baby Nora and she is still talking about Eli, I think maybe it's her friend at school that she's talking about. They do hug each other in the mornings. And when I come to pick up Day, Eli runs to me yelling DAAAY and gives me a hug. Again, she talks about him in the car. Maybe she’s daydreaming about what toys they’ll play with at school that day.

Eddie:

“Hey, Eddie!”

“Bye Bye, Eddie!”

Theory/Analysis: Eddie basically lives in our kitchen. He’s been doing a lot of the remodeling, and so he gets there around 7 AM just in time to talk to Day about her pancakes, her app-a-juice, etc. She is intrigued by him and all the tools that he carries. He’s really sweet to her and honestly a big help to me in the mornings because I put the baby gate up and she watches him like a hawk. I get a lot done. Then when it’s time to go, I have to drag her away and she yells “Bye Bye, Eddie!” In fact, even at night (when Eddie is probably at home in his own kitchen) she looks around for him and talks about Eddie and his "hammah".

(I hope to post photos of our new kitchen VERY soon. Don’t want to jinx anything with an expected finish date, though.)

Caston:

Caston’s name is in a lot of sentences at our house. It’s not just “Hey, Bye, Night Night, etc”. And Caston’s name is ALWAYS said with a huge smile. I have honestly never witnessed such true adoration. She talks about him when she eats, before she goes to bed, when we get to school, when we read books, at all times. Yesterday, she stopped at his door at school instead of hers, so I called him over so she could hug him. She doesn’t seem to notice that he does not return the full measure of her enthusiasm.

One day at lunch I dropped by to spy (it was her first week in a new room – give me a break) and her class and Caston’s were in the playroom watching a Barney video. Well, all but Day and Caston. While everyone else was zoned in on the TV, they were turned around backwards poking each other. As I walked by I heard one of the teachers say, “Caston! Get your hands off Day!” and I watched Day smile and kinda push on him a little. A love press, no doubt.

big kids' table at Jason and Lucy's

snacking at the sprayground

Things I Love

Note to left-brained people: The text and photos are just thrown in, they don’t necessarily relate.

These are things I’m loving right now and don’t want to forget about…

I love when I take her hand as she’s about to start down the front steps and she says, “Tankoo”.

I love when she puts things together for the first time. Right now, she is naming things according to who they belong to: Momma shoe. Daddy shoe. Baby diaper.

I love when she wants you to hold something so she says, “Tankoo sippy”, as she hands you her sippy cup.

I love the way she says APP-A-JUICE.

I love when she pretends to go to sleep. She thinks it’s so funny when she “tricks” me.

I love when I ask her if she’s poo-poo and she stops to think about it. She will say no even if she is, but a nod ‘yes’ is always a sure thing.

I love how she puts her hands over her eyes to hide. And the squeal of joy when I “find” her.

I love when she lays down on the floor and rolls over onto her back and lays there with a smile, waiting to be tickled.

I love how she lunges out for night night kisses while I’m holding her and how she’ll kiss anyone nearby.

I love how she has to arrange things, and when they get just right (which is rare and requires a lot of effort), she gets very still.

I love her growl-voice when she says “bear”.

I love how she loves to make people laugh.

I love that she loves books and has individual names for them all, even if they aren’t the actual titles.

I love when we are naming things in picture books and she tells me when I’m right with an exaggerated nod and a “Uh-huh, Uh-huh”.

I love how she has started trying different tactics to get picked up: “Mmm, baby? Momma? Hold me?”

I love how she loves her daddy and when we hear him coming she says “DADDY HOME”!

And when he leaves in the mornings they chorus back and forth “BYE BYE DAY”, “BYE BYE DADDY” at least 10 times. Same thing at night: “NIGHT NIGHT DAY”, “NIGHT NIGHT DADDY”.

I love when we are in the backyard and she names all the dogs and bends over with delight when she gets to McWally the cat.

I love how if one of the dogs gets too close she swats backwards and says “GO!”

Life Events

(I wrote this almost a month ago, but wasn’t able to post it until now.)

March? Seriously? That's how long it's been since I wrote a blog? Shame on me!

Well, we have been busy. We bought the house I mentioned in an earlier blog. With this move will be some pretty significant changes... most obvious is a bigger and much older house. One of my very best friends reminded me the other day that older houses require a different kind of love and family to inhabit them. Mere mortals could never be satisfied with an old house. I've put that idea on repeat in my brain since it was built in 1898. I am in love with this house…

Another big change is the move from Columbus to West Point. I’ve told myself all along that it’s really not that big of a deal and it’s only 20 minutes away, but it’s the psychological impact that I’m starting to feel. My child will go to school there. She’ll make friends and be raised there. This will be her hometown. And it’s different than mine. I have learned to appreciate West Point for all of its strangeness. After all, I married one of its strange products and some of my best friends are of that same species. But I have always assumed that Day would have the same experiences as me growing up… going to the same parks, schools, churches, library, etc. I’m just rearranging all that I thought it would be like. I guess that happens with every life event. And the unknown can be exciting and scary at the same time.

One of the greatest changes that is happening very soon is that I’ll be starting part time work! I have never in my life even considered it or played around with the idea. Not even since I’ve had Day. But I’ve worked with grants for 5 years now, and the nature of the game is that things can change. And quickly. I was forced to decide that we could make it on my part time salary because that became my only definite option. Once I decided we COULD do it, I wondered why I didn’t WANT to do it. Suddenly, my perspective shifted and the thought of spending more time at home became worth much more than having internet access and eating out at restaurants along with all of the other excesses in our lives. I’ll keep you posted on that shifting perspective.

So, now to the important stuff… Day Francis Magillicutty. (That’s what I call her when she is challenging me and I need to make sure she knows I am still the boss.)

Miss Day LOVES her new house. We “camped” there for a weekend before they started work on the floors and she played in the backyard, fell asleep on the front porch swing, and ran through the hall like it was an open meadow.

She has quite a flair for the dramatic. When she is upset (read: devastated) she grasps her mouth as if she’d just heard the most horrible news and throws herself down. Sometimes forward, but when things are really terrible (for example, when she’s been told “no”) she flings herself backwards. Hand over mouth, head flung back, back dive. This usually results in a bumped head which only adds to the drama. Then she looks at me as if I’d knocked her on the head just to be a mean momma.

Miraculously though, most of the time the only sure fix is to be held by that same mean momma. When she wants to be picked up (oh, say… 96% of her life) she reaches up to me and says, “Mmm, Baby?” I think this roughly translates into “Would you like to hold your precious baby?” I have tried a few diversion tactics, but mostly I just say, “Yes, I would love to hold Mmm Baby.”

Day and I went to the beach last month (pre-oil) with my bestest friends and their kids. It just magnified to me how much help Ken is and how child raising is more than a one-person job.

Babycenter.com tells me that tantrums and separation anxiety are par for the course right now. That really does make me feel better. I have to give myself pep talks along these lines… “You are not failing miserably at this parenting thing.” And even if I am, Ken is taking up the slack. Here’s proof: (early morning father/daughter outing while I slept = HEAVEN)

Getting "Into" Everything

I’m not sure what I thought this meant before I had Day. I guess I assumed it was a general description of a stage where kids are just interested in everything, just busy exploring. Maybe they are opening drawers and pulling out contents and investigating things. I’m learning that it does mean all of that but that it also means exactly what it says… getting INTO everything. It’s Day’s new obsession. She wants to fit into, climb into, sit in or on everything. She is still not walking but she can accomplish some pretty impressive gymnastic feats in order to get on top of or inside of something that poses a challenge to her. She got herself into all of the following:

Cabinets:


Baby Doll Stroller:

Walker:

Diaper Box:

Side note about this toy box. This was Ken’s dad’s military issue army trunk back in “the day”. I actually have no idea how old it is, but Ken’s mom painted it and added this kitty/duck sticker at least 20 years ago for her first set of grandkids. And now, it’s Day’s! Isn’t it so cool? Ken sanded the corners and added a hinge so she wouldn’t get splinters or her hand smooshed. Thanks Maw-Maw and Paw-Paw!

Pile O'Books on Step Stool:


Swing:


That last one was actually at a house we were (are) looking at to buy. I think if the homeowners agree to leave this swing, we’ll have Day’s approval. And yes, a new house is the next big thing we’ll be “getting into” as a family. Fingers crossed. We are OUT OF SPACE. There is so much to consider now in finding the right house. More space is top of the list of course, but schools are part of the equation now. And something I have undervalued during this process until more recently, a neighborhood with other kids Day’s age to play with.

Day is officially BORED WITH ME. We spent some QT together this week (Spring Break) and by Friday, she was all but begging me to take her to school. When we walked down the halls that morning, she was waving and smiling and saying, “HEY!” to everybody she passed, like she was in a parade. Then when I took her to her classroom, she saw her friends and that was the last she thought of me. We did get one good weather day to spend strolling and swinging in the park, where she also said HEY to everyone who would listen. Her vocabulary is growing so fast! Ken and I made a list of all the words she could say just last week, and already we’ve added 5 new ones: Nose, Ears, Eyes, Belly Button, and Cacky. I think she’s probably up around 25-30 words. And she can show you where all the above mentioned body parts are as well as her booty (couldn’t help myself, it’s cute).

Just a couple of more photos of my sweet princess…

FAV FOOD:


And Snugglin’ with Arnold:

Birthday Week

The birthday has come and gone. Last week was a blur. First there was "Labor Day", then the actual birthday and attempted birthday lunch, then the successful birthday lunch, then the cat cake that was never meant to be, then the beautiful, glorious Saturday birthday weather. This week has included pink eye and vaccinations so far. But it has felt much easier than last week.

I’ll work backwards…

Day weighs 17 lbs 13 oz. For those rude people who want to know where that puts her on the growth chart, your answer is “right where she should be.” The truthful answer is I really don’t know. I don’t grade her on her growth performance and neither does her pediatrician. She is 28 inches long. She is very close to walking, but doesn’t know she can yet. She’ll stand unassisted sometimes, then realize it and sit down super fast. And she’ll RUN with her water legs as long as you are holding onto her. She pushes her stroller across the house like the professional Nanny that she is.

Speaking of, the girl could run her own daycare. She lines up her babies, feeds them all a bottle or her sippy, gives them snacks, and her new favorite… wipes their faces with a baby wipe. She hates to have her face wiped but she loves to wipe her babies’ faces. When she finishes wiping their faces, she wipes the floor, the walls, my face, etc. I’m glad she is so concerned with cleanliness. That’s a good sign. Considering her parents, this could have gone either way.

The party was perfect. I put my order in for good weather, and it must have been processed just in time. A couple of days before, I was telling Suzy (my cousin) that the forecast on our wedding day was scattered storms but that I was never worried and did not have a backup plan. The weather was perfect that day, too. This time, I had a backup plan, but not a very good one. My house would have been a little cramped. Thank GOD for the sunshine on Saturday!



For the first half hour of the party, Day wanted me to hold her, wouldn’t go to anybody else, laid her head on my shoulder, etc. Then her other mommas showed up (Rachel and Miss Jackie) and she did what she does at school… practically jumped out of my arms to get to them. She devoured her cake like all good one year olds do, rubbing it in her hair and kicking her legs in pure ecstasy. I’ll say this about the cake experience: It is apparent that she has the “stage” gene. The one that gives you the desire, no… the NEED to perform for other people. Even if you are the only performer. ESPECIALLY if you are the only performer. This gene skipped me. I can handle attention if it is diffused. Not spotlight attention. It’s a toss up as to who passed along this gene to Day… her father or her grandmother. Both will want credit.



I was slightly overambitious in my cake planning for the party. Since Day is obsessed with all things “kitty-cat”, I ordered a cat shaped cake pan for her birthday cake. How hard could it be? Mix up a boxed batter, pour it in, bake, decorate. I guess because the pan is not uniform and therefore is thicker in some places (or maybe because I only know how to steam vegetables) the cake would NOT set up all the way through! It was deceiving, though. I was unaware that the cat belly was still batter until the day of the party when I tried to start icing it. I didn’t freak out. I just tried again. With the same result. Maybe next year.



On the actual birthday, the plan was for my mom and I to take Day for a big girl birthday lunch. She has a pretty regular routine at school, so I was going to pick her up around lunch after her morning nap. When I got there, she was sound asleep and had had not been that way for very long. Since I live by the motto, "Never wake a sleeping baby," we decided to try again the next day.

The plan on day 2 was to go to Zachary’s instead of Peppers to save time on our lunch breaks. Long story short, we ended up at Huck’s after Zachary’s refused to serve us because of a new smoking ordinance. The “barmaid” (I’m being nice) yelled in her smoker’s voice that, “Ya’ll can’t come in here, honey. No one under 21 allowed!” She wouldn’t let us past the door frame. I thought she was kidding – you know, making an unfunny joke. I mean, it’s not like I was going to try to buy Day a beer. After all, it was only LUNCH time! (joking) But, she was not. With her arms extended the whole time, careening around the edge of the counter, she insisted that we turn around and go somewhere else. FINE! So, Day got kicked out of her first bar at one year old at her birthday lunch! Ken says it’s probably a good thing we went ahead and got that one out of the way.

So, semi-normal life resumes. She is in the Toddler room, sleeping on her big girl nap mat. Yesterday she painted a zebra AND her forehead. It’s zoo week at school. I wish someone had snapped a picture of that!

One last thing... as soon as I get the “professional” photos from Day’s birthday party, I’ll post them. Suzy promises to have gotten some great shots. I’m sure she did. It was a BEAUTIFUL DAY!