It's true what "they" say...

1) It’s the hardest job you’ll ever love.

Here’s the honest truth. I didn’t know it would be so hard. I didn’t know she would cry so much. I didn’t (and couldn’t possibly) understand the physical stamina required. New moms are reluctant to talk about how difficult the job is because we are also so eternally grateful and in complete awe that we don’t want to come across as unappreciative. But I’ll speak up for all of us… THIS IS NOT FOR THE WEAK. And I mean the weak hearted, the weak stomached, or the weak minded. No wonder God chose women for the job. (Couldn’t help myself.)

It’s getting easier every day because I’m learning her language, but the first month especially made me feel incompetent, like a bumbling fool. And I keep thinking, “People all over the world in all sorts of situations handle this!” Mentally, motherhood requires such a huge leap from independence to total responsibility for another human being! I think breastfeeding probably magnifies this sense of responsibility and constant need. Your body is keeping someone else alive! It gives me butterflies sometimes.

My style of dealing with challenges and managing life in general is this… lay the cards on the table, let me analyze the situation, make a decision and act on it. I tend to be practical when it’s possible to do so and I really like a clean finish, all i's dotted and all t’s crossed. Well, surprise! That method is all but totally useless with motherhood. There ARE NO CARDS! I’m having to learn to be comfortable with not knowing what comes next, not knowing whether I did it “right” or not, not knowing what to do next and brave enough just to try something… completely blindly. Like I said, not my style. But it’s a great life lesson and one that I am overdue for anyway.

2) Sleep will become a luxury.

Ah, sleep. The thing I spent half of my former life doing. My rough estimation is that I probably spent a total of about 16 years asleep. Glad I got all that sleep. I remember what it felt like. I have had only two stretches of sleep that lasted over 3 ½ hours since February 13. One of which was last night – the only reason I have enough mental energy to blog today. I have been a professional sleeper. I’m talking naps, sleeping in strange places, prioritizing sleep over lots of important events and people. So, let me give myself some credit. I’ve done better than I thought. Before Day arrived, I would be cranky and unable, yes UNABLE to function if I didn’t get at least 8 hours of sleep. My average and preferred length was 10 hours. These days, give me four and I can stay productive for the next 20 hours. That is a miracle. It’s not even the same sleepy as before. It’s a new zone. Your brain just half way shuts down only letting in the most important and critical information. No longer room for ideas that don’t involve Baby Day, which is fine with me.

I hear this sleep thing gets better. I’ve also heard from other moms that it doesn’t. Either way, I’m on the train. No going back now. I think that’s what makes it easier than I thought… there is no choice involved. Before, I could chose to sleep or not. Now, what I want gets trumped by the Princess. Finally.

3) They grow up so fast.

I know it’s only been 7 weeks, but what happened? Have other people just lived normal lives? Maybe it’s the consistency of our routine, but I feel like time has just become irrelevant. She is already smiling, cooing, “bossing” me with her cries, recognizing faces and voices, enjoying her toys AND she is growing out of clothes! I put a onesie on her the other day and when I picked her up the snaps popped open. Oh, and she grew out of newborn size diapers. She’s in size 1 now. And it makes me sad. And happy at the same time. Maybe this is the ultimate theme of motherhood… totally contradicting feelings existing together. Is this what bittersweet means? Ken played a song for me the other day by Darius Rucker called “It Won’t Be Like This For Long” that really says it well:



4) Your whole world changes.

One of the things that irritated me most while I was pregnant, and there were a few, was when people would say, “Oh, your world is about to change.” I would think, well, yeah I sort of thought it might. But the reason that people say that is because it is TRUE. And there is no way to describe it. You just have to live it. It’s like most of your former world just washes away. For me, that includes most of the things that didn’t matter anyway. I see everything through her eyes. I want to teach her about all the good things in the world. I want to protect her from the bad things. I am her world filter right now and will be for a lot of years. She’ll learn about people and love and God and herself through my words and actions. Again, responsibility that I could not have imagined … even though I thought I had an idea.

5) It’s a love like no other.

I see Ken with Day and I can hardly stand it. I know that his love for her is as big and pure as mine. He and I are learning together and sharing experiences that nobody else is a part of and it has made our relationship richer and stronger. (Don’t misunderstand. We have also hated each other for passing moments over the last few weeks.) That said, my love for Day is different. It’s all-consuming. It’s universal. It hurts. It’s probably the closest thing to God’s love for us. I think that’s the whole truth of it. It’s why we have the opportunity to be parents. So we can better understand His love for us.