Props...

...to all the mommas out there who manage to make it look easy - even every once and a while. I don't know if it really IS easy for you or if you are a great faker, but either way... proper respect.

There was a time about two years ago when I lived in a bubble: newborn, no sleep, wonder at it all, ineptitude, lots of crying (both Day and me), etc. Survival mode kicked in, and and all else fell to the side while we adjusted to our new life. One of the things that helped get me through that time was knowing that it was not permanent, that I would sleep again, that I would get better at decoding the cries. And it wasn't, and I did.

Fast forward to the Terrible Twos. SLAM. Here I am again in survival mode. All those feelings of inadequacy and sleep deprivation have returned with a vengeance. "You thought you'd seen the last of me!" they snarl. Although I have not fooled myself into thinking it was going to be easy, I am still surprised to find myself here again. I try to keep it real, and I know (and knew before having a child) that parenthood is a constant struggle. But, DAMN. How do you please a frustrated, strong willed, strong lunged, two year old? This is WAY harder than I imagined.

Before I go any further, let me say that before I became a mother I would hear moms complaining about their children. My silent response was always, ("At least you have a child to complain about. Get a grip. Count your blessings.") I guess as with most life changing events, it was really hard for me to put myself in their place before I was there. Well, here I am. And while I'm disclosing some truths here, I also used to think that moms who weren't able to function optimally at their jobs because of their children were somehow less, not strong enough, lazy (gasp). I'm just being honest. I would roll my eyes at their "excuses". Well, GOD LOVE EM. I have seen the light.

Here are my two current battles: (Yes, 2. In honor of the Terribles.) 

1) This one really isn't new. It has just taken a different form. Shape shifted if you will. Striking a balance between letting her work it out and rescuing her. I realize in most cases rescuing her only perpetuates the cycle of her needing me (or manipulating me) and really, most times it just pisses her off when I try to help. But how do I not interfere when she's driving herself crazy to the point of tears/snot/red face? I feel helpless. And momma guilt is a bitch when I try to let her work it out.

2) What in the HELL is wrong with my child? Really. I go back and forth between thinking she must be sick and thinking she has ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder). I guess either way, something's wrong. Or is it just typical 2 year old behavior? Although I've been around other kids, somehow I still don't think that gives you the whole picture of what their life is like at home. I say this because there are people reading this now thinking,"Why, I'll be! I've never seen that sweet baby girl act like anything but an angel." To you I say, "Can she come stay with you for a few days?"

This morning I remembered a story my mother finds great amusement in telling. One where I (as a child) used to get sent to my room where I would lay at the threshold of the closed door and cry quite dramatically through the crack under the door. Well, not just cry. Also cough and choke, gag like I'm puking. You get the picture. I remember doing it. My entire mission was to somehow destroy the hearts of my already heartless parents who had exiled me. As my cousin says, "Apple. Tree." I love my parents more and more every day for getting through those years.

And I love my child. She's hilarious, brilliant, gorgeous, creative, thoughtful and strong, sassy, and independent. Everything I want her to be. Everything I had wished for her. I just hope I can navigate this journey with some patience and wisdom so that she knows just how great she is and that her mommy loves her more than life. 

Here's my little angel at her 2nd birthday party:

And if that wasn't enough cuteness for you, this should top you off: