I did it. I endangered my child’s life. I neglected her safety, and it could have been bad. It wasn’t intentional, but that has not made me feel any less terrible.
Yesterday after work/school, Day and I both had friends over. Day and her friend were playing while friend’s mom and I were sitting on the back deck, talking (drinking beer). I include that fact because somehow it makes me feel even worse and I need to purge the guilt.
We were both oblivious to where the kids might be but unconcerned because really, “what kind of trouble could they get into?”… when a very panicked, very frightened, very intense neighbor came flying out of my back door (from inside the house) saying, “There are KIDS playing in the STREET!!”
Oh, Shit. MY kid.
I ran out to the front where traffic is stopped going both ways in front of our house because some dumb ass red neck mom let her kid and friend wander around the house unsupervised. (That would be me.) Of course they ended up going out the front door! In my defense (there really is no defense, but I need you to know) we ALWAYS keep the latch locked on our screen door for this very reason. But not this time.
Part of what kept me up all night was replaying the looks of disgust on my neighbor’s faces. Their lack of understanding when I pitifully muttered I’m so sorry. These people don’t know me. But they are forming opinions. Not off to a great start. And it didn’t help that we were on the back deck drinking beer and they were on their way to Wednesday night bible study at the Baptist church. Jesus.
It also is weighing heavily on me that another child could have been hurt at my house. And I take full responsibility for the possibility. It was not my friend’s job to lock my screen door. She assumed her child was safe at my house. I would have assumed the same thing. I DID assume the same thing. You should know that she did not overreact, did not blame me, in fact she spent the next hour trying her best to make me feel better. That’s what a friend does.
But mostly what has tortured me is that my child was in danger BECAUSE OF ME. It is my only job in the world to keep her safe. I do realize that I should be eternally grateful and humbled that she was in fact NOT hurt. And I am. But, I have to be honest. That might have been my initial emotion, but it very quickly turned into shame.
So, again… I apologize to my neighbors and to the world that I endangered my child. And I am so appreciative that they stopped and made sure she was safe. I don’t remember telling them thank you, but I will, in person, the first chance I get. And I can’t promise I’ll ever be Mother of the Year, but I promise that I’ll do better. After all, she is my most precious gift.
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6 comments to Mother of the Year:
We were just talking about this and about how being a parent is the scariest job in he world. You are a great mother, don't be so hard on yourself.
This reminds me of a night we had recently. I was in the back of the house doing something and Cecil was supposed to be watching Hartleigh. I could hear her whimpering but I had my hands full and I just kept thinking Cecil can handle it. Well, finally I realized that he was not seeing about her so I went to check on her. She was standing in the hallway pointing at the front door, whimpering. The front door was standing wide open and Cecil had fallen asleep on the couch. I freaked thinking someone had broken in my house. Noone was there and we hadn't heard anything so we came to the conclusion that Hartleigh had opened the door (we used to have it childproofed but I took it off because my housecleaner couldn't open the door). Hartleigh could've wandered outside into Hwy 50 traffic in the pitch black dark and been hit but thank the Lord she didn't. My point is I think at some point in time we all will endanger our child's life in some way just like we all endanger our own lives sometimes by doing stupid irresponsible things. It is our job to protect our children but we are only human and things will happen. Day and her friend are fine, and you learned a lesson. Try not to beat yourself up about it!
I am the friend. Ivey had the courage to come forward, now so shall I. I am struggling with the "what ifs", but also with some embarrassment in front of those neighbors. At the end of the day, we try our best to be the best, but everyone slips. People may judge us, and they may tell the whole town what we did, (if they do, then they are not very good parents either and learned nothing at bible study) but most people will be thinking in their heads about that "Parent of the Year" moment they also had and hopefully will feel some empathy towards the situation. If not, oh well. Those neighbors aren't the ones you need to know anyway. So next time we hang out, Ivey...we'll double check the latch on the door and drink kool-aid!
First of all, I am sorry for such an incredibly frightening and embarrassing experience. Secondly, thanks for being brave enough to share your story with the rest of us. Sometimes the crap in life happens to one person to teach the rest of us a valuable lesson. What happened to you could have happened to ANY of us. Through sharing your experience, you have already made me much more aware when playing with Whitney outside this evening. Sorry you had to be "the example," but thanks for being one. I am so relieved that Day and her friend are a-ok.
P.S. At a fundraiser dinner that we attended last week, the lady who accepted the leadership award spoke of when her 3 sons were little and how they left one at a rest stop on a family vacation and didn't realize it until 5 hours and 2 states later! And, he's like a doctor or lawyer now...and she's a well-respected community leader!
You've still got my vote!
Ah, those "Mother of the Year" moments....I'm still traumatized by mine, and shamed to leave my house. Some how we live thru them. I will continue to pray my boys will grow up to be doctors and lawyers, so I too can laugh about it one day.
Things happen. Thank goodness nothing came about. I have done some pretty stupid things when it came to Daniel's safety also. It is part of our growing into good parents. I am so paranoid, I am always looking outside and constantly reminding Daniel that he can't go past certain places, and he can't ever go in the street and he get's in super trouble if these things go down. Still, it is my responsibility to make sure he doesn't get hurt and that will always be an issue. Thanks for sharing this. Hey, at least you have a conscience. Some parents don't even care that they make mistakes. I know you likely don't feel too bad now but when these things happen it can really be a wake up call. It is so easy to become content and just when you are relaxed and feel like they are fine, that's just exactly when you should jump up and go run and see what is about to happen in your front or back yard : ) Much Love and Respect! You are a great mom and your doing an amazing job!
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